Nevertheless, I will say it now: I LOVE good Christmas music. The operative word there being good. I cannot, for instance, fathom the desire to spend $22.99 on Justin Bieber's Under The Mistletoe (Deluxe Version) (which, although it includes some pleasantly bearable tunes, is decidedly killed by Busta Rhymes' atrocious addition, a stale Mariah Carey revival and incredibly fussy vocals). Or the hype around A Partridge Family Christmas Card...oh wait, sorry, there was no hype.
So what is good Christmas music, you ask? Stylistically, jazz is always going to win - there's something about its smooth potential for instantly festive background music that beats Cyndi Lauper's in-your-face rendition of "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" or ANY version of Wham's whingy "Last Christmas", everytime. But so long as the heart's in it, singers can get away with a lot...how else can one explain the infectious zeal of Mariah Carey's ubiquitous Merry Christmas? If it all seems like too much of a minefield however, here's 10 albums I've deemed safe to listen to during the holiday season: complete with cheese warnings, should your taste in cheer differ from mine.
#10. The Killers
(RED) CHRISTMAS EP (2011)
Not much cheese on this one, but not too much cheer either. While it eventually lightens up with the country rock of "The Cowboys' Christmas Ball", this EP addresses the heavier side of Christmas. Angst features, not least of all in a consideration of Joseph's situation regarding the impregnation of his virgin wife. However, for those who prefer a slightly sardonic view of Santa and the Christmas story and a little Elton John with their Flowers, this is the collection for you. Proceeds go to (RED) as well, so it's not a waste of money, even if you decide to hate the songs post-purchase.
Listen to: Don't Shoot Me Santa
#9. The Wiggles
WIGGLY, WIGGLY CHRISTMAS (1996)
I kid you not. I'm sorry, but Christmas just isn't Australian without The Wiggles. And 1990's Wiggles at that! Sure, the harmonies mightn't quite mask the very ordinary timbre of the vocals, but there are few artists who can fill a Christmas album with originals and live to tell the tale. The rock n' roll of "Wiggly Wiggly Christmas" is enough to inspire coordination in even the most reluctant of dancers, while old favourite "Ding Dong Merrily On High" is a cheerful instrumental break for brass and synth. Admittedly, it is only socially acceptable to listen to this album with a 5yo or two in the house, but come on...we've all succumbed to the infectiously fun actions of "Go Santa Go"...haven't we?
THIS CHRISTMAS (2012)
While most artists struggle against typecasting, Christmas albums are not the place to expand one's musical style. And with a sound as good as The Idea Of North have down, why would you bother changing? Sweetly jazzy solos, ad lib instrumental effects, a dazzling mesh of close harmony and, of course, a whacking good dose of James Morrison: it's that selfsame sound that The Idea Of North bring to this collection, with the expertise we've come to expect of them. Calypso carol "Mary's Boy Child" receives the "Mas Que Nada" treatment to stunning effect and "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" swings with jaunty vocals and a Morrison solo. The album has a predominantly mellow tone however, with lesser-known ballad-style carols making up much of the second half. Kudos for the non-creepy, non-cheesey album cover, too.
Listen to: Mary's Boy Child
#7. James Morrison
CHRISTMAS (2007)
I love jazz, I love (good) Christmas music...how could I not love James Morrison's Christmas collection? The man has perfected jazz. The track listing includes comprehensive coverage of the best Christmas carols, steering towards a distinctly traditional feel with "We Three Kings", "Away In A Manger," "Silent Night" and "The First Noel". "Mary's Boy Child" provides an opportunity for Morrison to really break out in swinging style, ensuring the album doesn't fall into drowsy lethargy. Gently hissing snare and electric guitar solos sit atop a polished jazz band and once Emma Pask's sultry vocals are added to the mix the combination is complete.
Listen to: It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
#6. Bing Crosby
CHRISTMAS CLASSICS (2006)
For traditional Christmas ear-fare you really can't go past Crosby. If you don't melt under the influence of such smooth vocals you are a rock in human form. 'Nuff said.
Listen to: White Christmas (Crosby AND Sinatra...winning)
#5. Kenny G
MIRACLES: THE HOLIDAY ALBUM (1994)
A frizzy-haired saxophonist eyeing off a naked baby probably takes the cake as the creepiest Christmas album cover I've ever seen (though Olivia Newton-John and John Tavolta sure as hell tried to take that prize this year), but Kenny G's 8x platinum Christmas album Miracles is one of the most beautiful instrumental collections you'll find. Perfect for when you're sick of hearing the same old lyrics over and over but still feel it necessary to set that Christmas mood, the unobtrusive saxophone arrangements drift peacefully amidst brushed snare, rippling piano and sentimental strings.
Listen to: The Little Drummer Boy
SEASONS GREETINGS (2011)
Even tribute bands can't escape the clutches of Christmas commercialism. After reviving the magic of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons in the Broadway hit Jersey Boys, members from the various international casts combined to sing their way through a celebration of carols - in four-part harmony, of course. Shamelessly plagiarising drum beats and bass grooves from original Four Seasons hits, this album cleverly weaves traditional Christmas carols with a blatantly "Jersey Boys" sound. Medleys abound, with most tracks including two or more carols in one. "Little Drummer Boy" ditches the disco (though not the retro keyboard) for a more dramatic mesh of harmony, while the traditionally jazzy "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" was a Tony Award Winner. There's plenty of cheese on this one, but for those of us who were wearing out the repeat button with the original show soundtrack, this album comes as a more than satisfactory way to continue the
Listen to: Jingle Bell Rock (Australian cast)
#3. Diana Krall
CHRISTMAS SONGS (2005)
Again with the jazz! And it's hard to beat Krall's smokey vocals, coupled with the hot brass of The Clayton-Hamiliton Jazz Orchestra. Sticking with a safe repertoire of the old familiar favourites, Krall's voice takes centre-stage in a delightfully planned program of peppy and chilled renditions. It grieves me that this album has existed for 5 Christmases and this is the first time I've ever listened to it in its entirety, but better late than never. This one's going to be on repeat.
Listen to: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
#2. Mariah Carey
MERRY CHRISTMAS (1994)There is no in-between with this album: you either love it or hate it with equal and unequivocal passion. As it was a household holiday staple during my childhood I am in the first camp and I make no apologies for this fact. For me, this album rings in the Christmas season like nothing else and I wear it as a badge of pride that I am not one of the shoppers who has to beat a hasty retreat from Westfield at the first notes of "All I Want For Christmas Is You". Angst-ridden originals aside though, Carey's powerhouse vocals produce stunning deliveries that most covers can't poke a stick at - and the lush, gospel-inspired arrangements of traditional carols "Joy To The World" and "Hark The Herald Angels Sing"(among others) seriously raised the bar for Christmas albums.
Listen to: O Holy Night
#1. Michael Buble
LET IT SNOW (2007)
Before he released the 'meh' that was Christmas, Michael Buble had a really beautiful holiday album in him. Sadly, it never grew longer than an EP, but Let It Snow is worth playing on repeat in favour of its longer cousin. Stunningly lush orchestral arrangements are reminiscent of the vintage class of Crosby and Sinatra, and topped by sensitive vocals from Buble, every song is a winner here. The only thing lacking is a mince pie and a glass of red.
Listen to: Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!
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